Retired Super Bowl-winning head coach for the Indianapolis Colts, Tony Dungy, tells of a time when his son was playing high school football. Knowing how much school and ball would sap his energy each day, he encouraged his son to have more than just pop-tarts for breakfast. But he quickly shrugged off the suggestion and was adamant that a pop-tart would suffice. A short time later, he witnessed his son stumble out of bed one morning, earlier than usual, and begin to make a large breakfast with eggs and bacon. "Having a bigger breakfast today?" Tony asked. "Yeah, my coach says I should." Surely you see the humor here. This teenage boy was living under the same roof with one of the most respected and successful coaches in the history of the game of football, and yet it was his high school coach who had his ear. It just goes to show there is virtually nothing a dad can do to impress his teenage children except wait until they finally grow perspective.

THE WORD

Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live. -Proverbs 4:1-4

Six years into fatherhood I have even more of a tremendous appreciation for men who choose to be present, attentive, and intentional fathers. Having children is not the same thing as fathering children. There's a popular Andy Stanley quote from years ago that says, “Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise.” While there is much about our children's futures and life choices that we simply will have no control over, we do wield the greatest opportunity for influencing the direction they will take.

Looking back on my upbringing and evaluating the values I hold highly in my life, it's easy for me to see how my dad's decisions, practices, and example dramatically shaped much of who I am today. Here are three of the most foundational life lessons I learned from him:

THREE LESSONS THAT DAD TAUGHT ME

1. FINISH WHAT YOU START

It often drives my wife crazy, as well as the people I work with. Those closest to me know once I'm on something, I don't let up until it's done. This is true for everything from small house projects to big events to exercise goals or competitive games.

Years ago Jill and I flew into Baltimore to go on a cruise to Bermuda. The airport train dropped us about 3 miles from the port where our boat awaited and we were a couple of hours too early to board. After grabbing some breakfast I pitched Jill the idea of walking the three miles (with luggage in hand, mind you) as it would be a nice walk to burn some calories before eating our brains out the next few days on the cruise. I assured her if we got tired we would just get an Uber to take us the rest of the way. She reluctantly agreed knowing one thing for sure: if I started this walk, I wasn't going to stop. And she was right. We saw all the wonderful sights of Baltimore, which was not many, and we fit in nicely with the homeless community as we rolled our suitcases and carried bags around the inner city, making our way to the port. We were hot, tired, and miserable but I was determined to finish what we started. After our three mile journey and several stops we finally turned the corner and saw a big, beautiful cruise ship awaiting us... right on the other side of an 8-lane highway. We walked all that way only to have to order an Uber to drive us a couple hundred yards into the port.

Ok, so this trait isn't always one of my better ones. But it does often come in handy when we are presented with tough circumstances. My dad engrained in us a philosophy that guarded us against beginning anything we aren't willing to do well and finish strong. He instilled in us a high value for doing our best and trying our hardest.

One of the things he says most is, "touch it once." If you're loading up a fridge or moving a couch, don't start moving it until you know where it's going and don't stop moving it until it's where you want it. It's a philosophy I think my mom still rolls her eyes at and I'm pretty sure my wife has joined her. But it has served me so well in my life.

Knowing that I am wired to bring things to completion really causes me to cautiously evaluate what I agree to (with the exception of that time in Baltimore - I get it ok, I was wrong!).

It brings to light to kingdom principles taught by Jesus: count the cost (Luke 14:28), and let your yes be yes (Matthew 5:37). In both teachings Jesus places a high value on weighing our decisions carefully and seeing our commitments to completion.

2. LIVE LIFE IN BALANCE

Along with the lesson of honoring our commitments, my dad always possessed a very level head when it came to the many obstacles of life. He has always demonstrated loyalty to God, his marriage, his family, the Church, and his work.

As I said before his general rule is, finish what you start, so he never let us quit a sports season, he never allowed us to skip a project, and he didn't tolerate us missing a due date. Yet he did so with gentleness and he never allowed a rule to hold a greater place than our well-being.

The only thing I can recall giving up on was a multi-year art school program that my parents allowed me to enroll in at a young age. It was a fairly big deal; I had to apply, pass a test or two, go through interviews, and not to mention it cost us quite a bit of money. When all was said and done, the school accepted me into the program but expressed concern that I was much younger than most of their students. My parents knew how much I loved art and design and that I had planned much of my future around my passion for it, so they fully supported me.

Fast forward a few years and I was in some of the most difficult years of my life. My high school years were marked with internal and spiritual difficulties, which God dramatically used to bring me to Himself and ultimately prepare me for the work He had called me to do. It was in that season that I came to my parents with the sober reality that I didn't want to continue to art school. Knowing my dad's philosophy of seeing things to completion, I was surprised to find that he fully supported my decision to quit.

In doing so he taught me an extremely valuable lesson that has served me well in my adult years: all things must be held in tension. Where there is a rule, there is an exception to the rule. Solomon said it something like,"For everything there is a time and a season." When the rule becomes more important than the person, it becomes legalism.

This is what Jesus set out to teach the Pharisees when they condemned Him for healing on the Sabbath. "Then He asked them, “'If one of you has a child or an ox that falls into a well on the Sabbath day, will you not immediately pull it out?' And they had nothing to say." (Luke 14:5-6)

I love that my dad has always been a man of balance and he still serves as a consistent voice of reason in my life today when I have a tendency to take things to one extreme or the other.

3. FIGURE IT OUT

This is perhaps the single biggest contribution to any success I've had in life that I can attribute to my upbringing under my dad. Let me first just say I used to HATE those three words sitting at the top of this section.

As a curious and impatient child, I would often ask my dad to do anything that would require patience, learning, and difficulty for me... which at a young age was virtually everything. When it came to fixing things, building things, or trying new things, my dad was always willing to come alongside but NEVER willing to do it for me. So when I often hit a snag or a bout of laziness, my dad's three famous words were "Figure it out." Sometimes he would even add a "son" on the end of it.

I hated those words because they meant that it was not going to get done unless I was the one to do it. Very rarely would he just take over and do it for me. It wasn't until I reached my later teen years that I realized how truly valuable this was.

When I began to work jobs and hold positions throughout college and in various organizations, I slowly began to notice a marked difference between my work ethic and those around me. (I should probably mention my dad made my brother and I get jobs at the age of 15. We didn't have a choice and in a cushy millennial generation I'm now very thankful for that too.)

Over time I realized that much of the promotions and opportunities I received came solely because I was more apt than the next guy to stick with something until I got it done. Now, I in no way want to insinuate a boastful tone. I have known people who are just naturally gifted at many things and virtually whatever they touch turns to gold. I love to see that giftedness on people. And at times I have been mistaken to be one of these "jack of all trades" types. But I know better. The difference between me and them is I only LOOK like I know what I'm doing. IT'S FAKE!

The truth is, my dad just taught me to keep working at things until I figure them out. So along the way I learned to play a few instruments, learned to design websites, learned to play a few sports, and though I know how to do lots of different things I would stake my life on the reality that I am not above average in hardly ANY of these things! I can do them all to some degree simply because there was an expectation from a young age not to wait on someone else to do what you can do with a little bit of time and patience.

Obviously there's a balance to this. We aren't called to do life alone and I have certainly had to learn how to rely on others who have gifts and abilities that I simply do not. But I think Galatians 6 sums this up really well. "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load."

Notice how Paul perfectly balances our need to partner with others as well as our responsibility to carry our own load and do what we are able. In forcing me to self-teach, my dad ultimately convinced me that I am capable of a lot more than I otherwise would've thought.

CONCLUSION

Men, the world is hurting from the absence of fathers. Virtually every social woe can be traced back to the root of fatherlessness in the home. There are valuable lessons that can only be learned from fathers in our lives and there are some roles that simply cannot be filled by any one other than a father, be them biological, spiritual, or Heavenly. I'm thankful to have the high calling on my life to be a dad and especially thankful to have such a good example to live by. Happy Father's Day (week).